My Life. My travels, poetry, and musings.

My Life. My travels, poetry, and musings.

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My personal blog

11 May 2022

Timeless Was the Day

Timeless was the day, I have lived enough for you to say anyway. My constant conversations, it was always this way.

There was this time she required me to hunt heads for her, put everyone on a chopping block. I am given their corruption and flaws for the sake of my own pain. I mean do you expect me to do it all, I have only seen enough and can know more now, that so many false notions were always the truth, and that I could once see into every soul, but then it gets out of our control.

If Einstein once understood, he thought I deserved better than a tent to. Thieves in the night was when I could not tell if my things were disappearing through a vacuum or if they were indeed misplaced. I think it is not hard to believe that things can vanish out of thin space. So, I had been through enough vacuums to where they had to tie me up to pole and flog me, this was usually the case with rising so high, the lows would become so much more. But then where would life be with its ups and downs, but they make seconds sound like lifetimes.

You know some things would never change. I remember when I was in Washington D.C., when I was 24, and I had this penchant for hearing people speak, I could sense from every direction. I walk past the white house and another womanly goddess directed my mind toward the white house. Then I pulled apart another head, I heard the president’s voice say.

“I’m not in this for you, I’m doing it for myself,” then followed by a pause as if I wasn’t intended to hear that, “and for the great people of this nation.”

What I would know now would be a four-year relationship with the president. It was not hard to sense the president when you could sense every living thing. I had written so much to when I was once an ‘undercover agent,’ I would eventually do every single job they could imagine. Or that I had broken so much classified information, that I was a rebel or a cop, a misfit or a normal person, catching my deep feelings for everything. Sometimes it would feel in this space that my feelings for things that weren’t even there were deeper than the feelings I had myself. And I know, I have known enough over time to understand more.

My ability for healing had been misused. I had been such a healer to anyone who asks, jumping at any task to be a savior for some, most of the time. So much that I would neglect my own health or needs. But I had been so bruised that I can still be blind sometimes, every glance in the other direction and I’m thinking about something or drawing another influence.

Which comes to mind my relationship with Governor Gavin Newsome, as a Mexican I knew would say. It was as if I knew all three governors in California, and you know how they play the card when I forget whoever was elected or what game was on, and what day of the week it was. So I had remembered one governor saying I need a greenhouse, and the other thought he was the husband of Gwen Stefani, who had black hair that wasn’t as short as mine as they made up a bunch of puns off his name. I had been to California many times and was in a hotel room with a helium tank and plans to end my life. I wrote a living will and even hired another scam artist to drain more of my money. I would get blamed for losing it when this world is sometimes always about getting ahead and not being as forthcoming about how to relate to another person.

Anyways as I had my tank and mask on, the ghost of Joe Biden would appear before me, as was Sophia or Maritza I am not sure what her real name is. I guess I do not really know. But it did not work out, you know how I survived death when I had the easiest way out, just the easiest way. I would leave California and returned to where I did even more things in jail beds and residences. I knew some god or any of the gods had a way of seeing how, destitute I was from all the work I had done for the government and others prior, and gave me as much power to influence whoever I wanted. It had breached so much beyond the lines of a mental illness that everyone believed in it. As I would distinguish to false split world within the fiction, then it would become more apparently real and believable to everyone for it to be understood.

I remember how a good-looking bigger woman I met at one recovery center would meet me. I wish I got one of her lawyers rather than only having any other fling, that would become another one. So I would have to know that it was their posh life that I had lived enough sometimes.

You know I would say that playing Blitz the League then going to psych ward, sort of how like winning championships puts you in a psych ward. I could put the ball in the hoop with my eye, a laser would only get so pointed to where Patrick Mahomes would look the same way as the statue, I saw of him. So was Jennifer Lopez’s but in my face when they won the super bowl after I ‘decided to help them,’ that year. And you know, I know everyone has seen it to where I know everyone believes it exists. Same with one another one in a hotel room in Dallas.

And you know I walked in the city, and I found an Asian massage parlor as I was wandering everywhere without a car. You know the good old Chinese, she finished me off as everyone’s faces were looking on. And while some pop artist I knew was trying to be the nun I guess maybe she can be sometimes. I enjoyed every minute of it but you know my interactions are only an hour long at most.

Which brings me back to every song made. I sure do remember hearing songs know, I have listened to Eminem and Kid Cudi enough, and I’m sure laugh about a YouTube comment of Lebron having an issue with me cheating for him, but you know I always cheat on him too. And you know I can be the spokesman for my own word, if anyone would disagree I would like to hear all of their voices the same time they have a public interaction about it; the same time I would hear their voice or skull picked in space.

It reminds me of all the other times. You know how the old Falcons won, and the eye for all the basketball and all the basketball players, to where Britney Spears wanted to save Raeef because I beat him in basketball, or whatever she thought she read about me back then. But I will not feel pain about it. You know your skull can fly in my headphones anytime Britney, but I am no mood ring. And I do not know enough about you and your dad to say anything about it. I do not know about their dads; I only know about my passing connections mixed with yours.

I only wonder if you would transition as much. I enjoy having a cigarette and attract more things to see. You know I think it was not always cigarettes for Kurt that gave him pain. I mean I guess he healed everyone with his music, you know, and I will meet a Chris who is never the same as the other Chris. When his ghost can be so much for anyone to handle. I have no clue what he does. They all try I guess; I mean my voice is now so recorded over that it sounds better quieter. You know I have gone high. Then a bunch of faires of fishes fly by.

91.3 would show the stitched lips on I am not sure who. I remember lying in my old home with the old pharaohs and bathtub. I was her horse, her beautiful hairy horse. She sure would fly in my old home anytime; you know that home became everyone else’s I believe. I would cross my arms like I was mummified, preserved for the dead, and who knew that I would do even more on Jenny’s bed, and that is another story. You know I do not really recall, a hotel room in Austin, I am sure it was more beautiful every single other tomorrow, journeying with my magical elves. But I do recall the weary traveler who was dying to share with you what I saw. But I will not die for you, I mean I’ll think about it every day, I’ll try, but the more I can share the great story of Sophia and Issac the better. I remember seeing the flyer in my hometown on 4th avenue, about a lost dog named Issac. But I did not think much of it, yet sure saw it. I guess I can get tired enough o where you made me feel like a lost dog, but I can always remember how to walk, or run a sprint through a terrible spell. Yeah you know that thing I said in my head but never wrote down, it would become the truth everywhere. Did I pray for those people in Peru or did someone else? Long gone were the days when we would get hotel rooms for my conquests but also for feeling sad. And I can always remember her and him, the people who would give me the best for chasing you around everywhere. I did not intend to make a national spectacle of following my heart and intuition, but hey that’s where things are now. As long as another road is in front of me, I guess I can live.

I can hike all the mountains in the world, but still know the universe. I had become every living creature, but I could still be myself. I had become everything I had read and learned about; it is not a hard thing to do. And I could say all day about the new song or film about it. I could learn enough about the red carpet to where everyone else would believe the dream I had been living anyway. I could walk all over her into a TV and remember the theme and deeper meaning with all my intellectualism and understanding. I guess I had lived the action, drama, romance, or mystery in my head, but you would forever remain a mystery, so would Leila and my countless other dead friends I would pierce through in any conquest, but I can still be me for you. You know the me last night who wanted everybody else to have a good time, the life of the party with enough jokes to tell Chelsea Handler and even put in a rap too. I guess she looked like Julie and 50 cent, but Julie only gave me 50 cents, I still have plenty of quarters. We can even make raps and puns about politics too. So much that even Joe Biden would give me a phone call. I am sure I could be the nations whore but savior at the same time. What a fitting coincidence and irony enough for Bill. We can do the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous by reading them, and you know that book can sound like fight club sometimes, either Edward Norton or Ethan Hunt would know the Hawk one, dreaming in his bed with some woman. I guess all my encounters were as rotoscoped as waking life, but I can still see someone anytime for you. But I guess Wylie is more like Wylie in the film, she can make another tube doll out of it, I’m sure I have had more sex than she has, I’m not really sure what she looks like, did I meet her in Seattle or Tucson, I’ll have a one word message to her, before someone chalks up another resentment. Her face sure was pretty to look at on the gravel or broken concrete that I seem to fall or trip under anytime. I would have to tell Chris the sidewalk barely goes above my heels, but I can go in and all around it, like a dream I remember in Seattle, I knew the Seahawks thought it was cool. They can have a fun conversation about it, like how they helped me survive through the coronavirus, and would follow Jeff watching me walk around the city everywhere promoting my music. I know I was a rock star.

What else can I say about Seattle. The land of the famous Green Tortoise hostel and cheerleaders following me laying down on the sidewalk. You know Russel was so generous with his cheerleaders, but that was not how people win. It is better to do some lizard breeding to get the job done. I do recall the first second and third times I had been there, smoking the weed to fly to my green seeing space. I remember the godfather and the Voldemort enough to shine the light in my brother’s eye. I remember all your shade in my sickness, and the guy who got committed to a psych ward too. Sometimes I am barely sane but smart enough to know the difference and gain the respect. I’m sure I could will my way into your team and be more of a tree too, but you know you need roots to be a tree. I do not know what happened to the other girl below my bunk, but I remember the truth about it that you can privately discuss, that she was happy to free me from the darkness. I know your not Lady Gaga, I can hear myself say.

Which brings me to Lady Gaga. Who else could send more direct messages to me on the TV screen then her music? All her fans know enough about me to have an orgy on me. Well I can remember the other Page, and you know me saying, “That is such a dumb thing to do dance all the time.” You know I wanted more out of life. And you can remember that one thing I said in my head that one time, but you can also remember the other times too. Who knew that you would be such a queen and goddess? I know you are. I am happy my shipment has arrived. I guess I can punch someone’s shadow to get away with it and get a wonderful song in return. But you know you did the same thing to me I’m sure, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were similar enough. A shark was enough for Hades to see all our adventures. Do I have an STD or just demons like you said? I guess the medical doctors could never figure it out, they are probably just as confused with when I get tested negative every time. Who knew I would become a novel pharmaceutical drug myself? I hope you stay blue for me during all this. Now I have several bets in place, which reminds me that, Vegas sure was what you said it was, but I prefer let them do all their bidding on my magic tricks from afar, you know remain just such a mysterious man to you. Getting a package from China through a brand from the United States and coming through Vegas was just as enjoyable as going through the heavenly light and sun with you, but we need to do better than that.

And you know I can go on and on about Scott oh good old Scott. He wanted a gym partner but knew I went alone. Another lifelong grudge to play on sports teams in San Francisco, it was better that one time, the first or second time I’ve been to a place, not the third time. Scott Mescudi now in my college dorm room predicting the future about Yuma and orgies in my sex dungeons. I can refer to that for the remainder of this duration and believe I am qualified enough to use the term. What else could I die for but love, I can still remember you if you let me, you did a good job on that one chick from college. Who knew I would be as promiscuous as I never was? I guess it is easy to eventually be made into a sun devil in Prescott or Phoenix. I can start another fire for the governor but put it out at the same time. I believe they usually die on their own. You know the flame always dies when I am around.

Mario and Luigi would be turning over in their graves in heaven like all the other characters. You remember when God said that all my cartoon characters were heaven. But you know humans can be them too, it is no secret, but you can be more of a real character also in a narrative. I’m happy to be your Comicon, since I never met you there, but San Diego can be better the first time or the second time, I’ll still happily seduce any married woman for the gifts and prowess that you gave me. I am sure it was great for all my conquests and distress of being as confused by you as you were by me. Lebron can be American Dad, Lil Wayne can be batman or the joker, Zach can be Max, or Goofy can take the blame for a seizure. But you know I knew all the secret codes to win the levels. It can be easy to believe that fictional characters can be more real than Mario and Luigi being the governors who cut off your funding. I never knew if they were more free or human than puppets or people were. It can be easy to say that you can be any one of them, but I do not know if you want me or the character, I can remain on a wall.

But I’ll still stand tall for you, you know every other woman was never the person to spend the rest of my life with, and maybe I spend my life with the road, which reminds me every road, I’m broke too, and I can remember your conversation. I can remember all of them. Which traveler I met would remind me of all the travelers who now take a walk up the street at the same time. My dead homies up the street know all about that, I can believe that I know what is going on with your universe enough to see a star by the moon, or whichever planet might invade us next. But I would rather enjoy and share all my conversations with you. I can remember John becoming the Terminator as I can remember the long socks. Danny G would have something to say about that, so would Jason.

Head count I can remember too. I guess I’m still how many heads have I counted, I was always going easy on him, it was more the virus they inflicted that got the best of me. I didn’t see any Mexicans in jail. But I knew I got off through my right hand alone, sort of like the other mysteries, I never know how that happened. But I can play Dante’s paradiso while the other two Dante’s talk about it. And you know I’m such a reformed criminal, I only break the law when it doesn’t make any sense, I guess others would come to do the same thing, like all the other trends I had started. I need more subs too to see my face everytime someone would perform another simulation or drone strike in my bed. I guess I can see your computer and not your plastic chips. I can tell the girl at the bar about the universe too, but I would never take here there, she might fall into another black hole with me. And I sure would let her hook up with someone else because that’s how great of a matchmaker I can be, I can only wish someone would follow the same suit. I can play any card in the deck but we all know which card is my strong suit. I can only wear street clothes and wear all their ties and fancy clothes at the same time, I love to dress up myself, but what’s the point when you’re naked all the time, you could be more bare for me too, I’m glad they felt bad about that, at least someone did. I can journey outside or inside your guts until you hear it enough.

I’d rather make money disappear and reappear into someone else’s hand like you. It can be more fun to speak to you this way, everyone else does, until my phone is obsolete. Maybe they can put another bank chip into my head, or the deep web can be deeper for me. I can ride a train and sing a song, but it wouldn’t mean much if you see more in space rather than in our time. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this what meant to happen one day, you could be Waking Life or something more present for me, as a tree loves to receive Christmas presents, or presidents. Who is in Mount Rushmore? My words can become more real to you, I assure you, as long as you’re there to listen.

When I can remember the dark desert sky, where was Doctor Strange another night. I wonder what you’re working on, I only seek to narrate for you. I guess I knew John, but I did not know that one day I would make the stock market crash, have billionaires lose money because of how they treated me, and then that they would be so mad that they made me the stock market themselves. Sort of how like how I broke all the films, and would become the films themselves. I guess I could matter when energy puts me in another state, if that was the law I follow. Don’t politicize the atom bomb, you could make me nuclear energy instead. Or an electric car what a great idea, I’m sure your stocks went up, but I never heard about it. I’m busy being the victim to explain to you about the ones who did it. An illness is just one of the many things I have been, you can tell my widow, which one.

But I do not see any of the money in my wife’s hands. I only see her hands on a plastic device, I hope I am not that. I am sure she believes she made millions of dollars as I have, like how we believe everything in a fictional world. But you can still be so miserable with everything, I can safely say this can be true. I can find another woman to hit on for you, you know I will give anyone love for you, as long as we never discuss it, I’m ok with that, I’ve grown accustomed to that. I guess we need a sociopath and I’ll be the moral conscience, but you can always make me the sociopath, I’ve seen it done before. And Issac can take all the credit for it, you know I would do that for you. But who is the number 1 or number 2 in your love triangle, and the aggressive man who will take control and abuse you at the same time while I save you countless times. I’m sure the woman who wants all the time knows something about that. You always know who I am, I don’t need to whine about you, but I won’t let you step all over me, if you were the bol