Spiritual Growth: A Space for Seekers, Philosophers, Travelers, and Poetry

Spiritual Growth: A Space for Seekers, Philosophers, Travelers, and Poetry


My personal blog

17 Apr 2021

Introduction to my book in process.

Introduction, Preface

    This book is written for thinkers on the fringes of society, for deeply spiritual people, and for those who believe in revolutions in consciousness. While I may have the feeling that my story, and new theories and ideas may be disagreeable to some people, those with an open-mind I hope may benefit. As I have always believed in the hopeful ‘coming together,’ among different generations of ages of people in humanity. It is my hope to reach and add benefit and interest, to both the young and the old. To the older members of society who can gain new insight and perspectives from what follows, and to the generations after mine, who have had even greater exposure to some things that I have had, with my experiences and lessons to be insightful and teaching to them. And that I know, that almost as if there is another version of me elsewhere in the sophisticated universe, that another millennial my age may relate significantly to some parts of my story and views.
    This novel is written in narrative form, with the intention to blend and draw from different genres of art. To that, a significant part of my life was dedicated to amassing and consuming many different forms of art, in film, music, and philosophy. As I always had the view that my life has been a film within a film, a dream within a dream, and art within art. In that I’m sure one reader may resonate with, I tend to have the ability or trait to become the art or person I consume.
    To connect their lives to mine in the collective unconscious and bring to consciousness, while maintaining and objectifying my distinct duality, is one of my intentions for this work. This, in hopes to summarize and draw conclusions for myself, as well as for the reader to take anything they wish out of it.
    At 27 years of age, I once posed a question on the Internet, if 27 was too young to write a memoir or story. After explaining what I would like to write about, several people replied, if you have a good story, go for it, as no age is too young to write. As I do believe I have a unique story with additional things to share, that has quality. I am thankful for those who have encouraged my writing, and in hopes that this work may benefit others; being my way of giving back to others through all my experiences and lessons..
    And also, at 27, as I explore themes of life and death in this work, I am reminded of the infamous ‘27 club;’ a list of noteworthy people who died at 27. I have found relation in this to my pain and challenges, that almost led to death many times. As several of the noteworthy figures who died at 27, had bipolar disorder, which I have been diagnosed with. With the strong connection of my experiences and visions to mental illness, I will later have some perspectives on mental illness, as well as ways in which our mental health system can improve.
    In some ways, in line with one of the books that has been an inspiration of mine, Man’s Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl, I will begin by sharing the story of some time in my life. And as I believe that pictures can tell a thousand words, with the pictures I have always cherished having from around the world, in my life, within each chapter.
Then following in the second part of the book, to draw on those experiences to formulate reflections and new theories. These new theories, together with ideas that have been in existence, but expanded upon, and sourced. And dispersed throughout the novel and toward the end, to share my poetry, which most deeply describes my views and inner happenings.
    As this is an introduction of what is to come, I will share my ideal visions, but backed with sources and evidence, as I always wished to complete an intellectual or academic work; albeit this is not an academic novel. In hopes that it may relate to all, and not easily get stuck in an ivory tower.
    To have been everywhere I have, and seen all that I have, is a blessing that led to distinct and unique views I’ve had in my life. In my simple life at home, and then to the enriching cultural experiences I would later have, proved to give new insight and awareness to myself and others.
    I hope you take what you will from my story and ideas, no matter who or where you are in life. And if you are of any ethnicity or religion, as varying as they can be. And for those highly aware in their consciousness, or those just beginning their spiritual journey. And lastly, even those who may doubt what I say or question the ways I went about things, as well.

The wisdom gained in my life and travels, but also the folly, attracted manifestations of people’s curiosity. Further, the shift from the psychic realities of family life, evaporated and condensed, into the psychic thread of the collective unconscious; the connections with humanity and culture as a whole, is the story.

Thus, my intention in writing is to foster one individual's story, in his spiritual existence as a human being, in hopes that others may think about doing the same.

To acknowledge those dead, and thinkers who have influenced me over time, with their souls alway still alive through their works and soul, sharing this time with me, alive.

It is the story of a young child, to his present fascination of his reality to where it is now. There is only one person in the drop of the ocean.


Intro to my book. Contact for more info.
10 Apr 2021

Modern And Progressive Views on Mental Illness, Case Study and example of a subjective experience, with Evidence

My view of mental illness, such as depression for example, is that these states and feelings are a disease of civilization and cognitive dissonance, just as much as they may be related to certain neurotransmitters of the brain. A state of conflicting values internally, in addition to societal distress, can manifest into a disease, which was a modern invention and not always present in our history. The issue with current treatment of illness is that we don’t actually always know how SSRIs and other medications work in the brain, thus lending to the conclusion and truth even psychiatrists make is that half the response of certain psychotropic medications is a placebo, for them to work. 

The debate of ‘nature vs. nurture,’ in mental illness can lead to disagreements and false claims on either end. In the book Nature via Nurture, evidence is given within the context of genes and neurology in nature, vs. environmental exposure. The truth lies in that genes are within the expression of the environment, as much as brain plasticity showing change in different environments and exposures. To note that early environmental exposures, have as much effect in the activation of certain genes that may be dormant, such as those expressed as a cause in different mental illness, veers away from a solely materialistic view. As in what may contradictory fields of behaviorism is psychology, versus those in depth psychology with their focus on introspection, both can have as much influence in the changing of neurotransmitters, leading to the belief that mental illness such as a depression or schizophrenia, are not solely about an imbalance in neurotransmitters, despite psychiatry or rather it’s invisible hand Big Pharma claiming so, with their ardent promotion of drugs they claim are the best answer.

Furthermore, In Saving Normal, a former psychiatrist who led work in the DSM, made many claims going against his profession, to the fringe of being an outsider. Along with the many points made, is the ‘for-profit’ nature of psychiatric medicine and pharmaceutical companies, which can be an issue among other fields of medicine too. Studies privately funded on medications, can have an experimental progress if they are wanting a certain outcome. Many pharmaceutical companies have been involved in billion dollar lawsuits, for pushing certain drugs with dangers, or lack of evidence in efficacy.

Within this view in medicine, and deeper reflections. Most doctors do have the strong belief in helping their patients recover as much as they can. But as many things are, it is still a business that those in mental health and addiction medicine need to make a living off of. However, as is the case with any high-paying profession, there are many doctors who admit to being in their profession primarily because it pays well. But at the same time, there are also doctors, depending on their specialty as well, who advocate for cures that cost less but may not be as profitable, as opposed to others who only try to control symptoms with certain drugs, only under the evidence of expensive and privately-funded studies, that control or skew the outcome. One example of this is with the aforementioned SSRIs, with doctors admitting that half the response is a placebo. Also, the same chemical formation is modulated only very slightly, with the promise that it will have a better effect, which isn’t always the case. SSRIs also take 4-6 weeks to have some effect, meaning more money for those who make these drugs, and capitalism in medicine within Big Pharma. What if, we ask ourselves the question, why we don’t promote cures that take less time with certain medicine. 

To achieve this goal, there is a fringe but growing movement about psychedelic or psycholytic therapy, both involving hallucinogenic or dissociative drugs. For example, ketamine is growing as an evidently based cure for treatment-resistant depression, along with MDMA for PTSD and Autism, and lastly other hallucinogens such as psilocybin for depression and end-of-life anxiety. So why aren’t these novel treatments approved for depression? It is because they are rapid acting, requiring only one or a few treatments. If they work this rapidly, pharmaceutical companies and doctors won’t make as much money, because there is less of a long-term price incentive and investment, for drugs that are archaic, and cause damaging side effects.

In relation to psychedelic therapy, often with the hallucinogen allowing the individual to access subconscious content, and bring to light in consciousness. This therapy, and specifically ‘somatoform work,’ which allows the patient to access and emotionally process their feelings, with the therapist to help guide them objectively through their feelings.

So the companies push these treatments away, as they are a progressive form of treatment. Even when they are proven to be effective, a heavy price tag is put on them, unfortunately for people who would do well on them, if they were put more into practice.

This to me, with the experience I’ve had in healing my own PTSD, would create more peace with individual selves, and with more individual peace leading to collective peace. Imagine if we had our soldiers or others with old wounds heal with psychedelic or psycholytic therapy. If we could get rid of the for-profit enterprises in mental health, which would also require some changes in other sectors relating to the government changing the schedules of certain drugs, as these drugs have been demonstrated as evidence-based with clinical proof.. Most importantly, with the right therapist leading with the right set and setting for the client. It would also lead to the evolution of thought, consciousness, and healthier ways of emotional processing, rather than psychological repression, which leads to problems for the individual and others. There are more sources promoting and expounding on this view, which I will mention the sources and recommended reading. 

To answer to the point a hardline psychiatrist may say, that SSRIs and antipsychotics have some efficacy, I would reply that they to what doctors say themselves that they are blunted instruments with their attempt to hit a target, very old drugs that only mask symptoms like a psychiatrist will agree himself, and damage brain functioning along with a long list of side effects. While that the novel approaches of psychedelics come with little to no side effects, target areas and emotions more effectively for depression, and that they not only take much less time to work for the patient, but also promote neurogenesis among brain regions, creating new connections that allow for increase in thought, perception, and empathy, along with their instinctive wisdom. I now will change topics other than the condition of depression, in explaining another condition of what true hallucinations are. Along with what I had mentioned in the previous chapter, I will provide a case study connected to the notion of alternate perception consisting of the mind in relation to quantum physics.

“What if I told you there were two realities here, and the one that everyone lives in, isn't the real one? It's a virtual reality like the matrix, but overlaid on the real reality, such that nobody can see the difference. 99% of what people say makes no sense.

And I'm feeling very panicked, confused and distraught because everything I thought I knew is fundamentally flawed. I can't sleep at night. I'm going through the motions with my job and social obligations. Otherwise I'm just in a funk, mourning the end of the world. The world is made of stories.

Am I suffering from psychosis? If not, what? How would you help me snap out of it?

There are several variations on this question.

Professionals likely wouldn't diagnose you with psychosis, because you're very aware of both realities, even though your conclusions may or may not seem crazy. They would mostly focus on the distress you're experiencing, unless their ego got triggered, wanting to preserve its world.”

Very recently, I had met a man, not similar to me in character, but relatable in some shared experiences. As I commented to ask him what his delusions specifically were, he replied that he would, ‘see a bunch of regular people, famous people, and clones of them,’ to the striking similarity of what I saw. I have also heard others over the course of all my stays at different treatment centers and psych wards, remark similar statements, in line with his most specific statement that related to mine, most similar to my own visions.

If the same hallucination, or ‘delusion,’ happens to many different people, independent and distinguished from one another, what are the chances that perhaps there's some truth behind them, that the commonality in descriptions occurs with more than one person over a population? And to a further point that these people may be ill if their visions cause particular disturbances in themselves and others. But by the same token, that if a census were taken, many individuals would report similar occurrences, so by reasoning that there must be some actuality of them existing to a certain extent, yet perhaps still undefined and unexplored.

If I see what I believe is a vision of Taylor Swift, and with human closing beginning to advance in 2020 as it has, is there perhaps another alternate version of Taylor Swift, as innumerable as the possibilities of alternate selves within another universe? Or as one may suspect, a computer-generated version of her for mass consumption. I have no issue with their means or what may seem to be my outlandish claims, but a quick Internet search will yield those who have reached similar conclusions or believe that clones of celebrities are created for various reasons, one of them being for their protection. I myself, not even being famous, have also felt that I may have been cloned, or images of mine that are on the Internet, may duplically replicate themselves, as an image on the Internet can be used for any purpose. That part of myself and consciousness on the Internet exists as a code within, that can be replicated with the bits and particles of the pixels that are my images.

So with this understanding to further the point, that there may be some truth behind these so called hallucinations, and that they do not solely lie in the excess production of dopamine, as commonly believed by psychiatric medicine. But they also have relation to artificial intelligence and quantum physics, and with other rapid advances in technology such as virtual or augmented reality, where one can remote view objects or people from a distance. With then, the key area to study for an explanation, the relation of quantum physics and happenings in psychology to certain neurotransmitters in the brain, along with the connection of consciousness to rapid advances in technology that alter our brains and myriad of perceptions. These connections raise new challenges within psychiatry and psychology; these new frontiers in human consciousness, that will come with further study.

To give belief and recognition to those with visions, in hopes that may be further research, so that they are not merely labeled delusions, but have a deeper meaning and connection to the collective unconscious, is one of my intentions in presenting my story and views mentioned For example, in a union of this notion, to explain a psychosis pertaining to a ‘Kundalini syndrome’, or experiences of a changing higher order of consciousness with the acknowledgement of chakras and energy centers in Eastern medicine, with pharmacology being a piece but only one of a greater puzzle.

Which would raise the question, and what would be the defining quality of calling one ill or mad, for their ‘hallucinations of delusions.’  In the notice that I had read in one declassified document of the CIA which I will source below, and also stated in readings by Dr. Jung, is that the differentiation between visions within the psyche and self, or rather the structural integrity of an independent self in relation to vision, to still understand the world in its physicality, is the defining factor. As long as I do understand where I am and what’s going on, not myself nor anyone should be called delusional or mad if they are educated to the differences. 

Also, the ignorant view after all that has been said and experienced by countless generations of man, would be to call visions only hallucinations in their entirety. Further, with the grey line between being called sane or not, that the defining quality of harming self or other, be the distinguishing criteria. Otherwise, educate the person on what they see, and encourage understanding to see the deeper connections to inner voices and happenings, is my personal view. 

Not to mention

All the universes

That can be discovered inside

And within one another

As numerous as the night sky

And explosions

In one version of time

Of the multiplicity of the mind

Existing aeons in mind

Which other universes

Were we of a different kind

The math of quantum physics as it stands has demonstrated to be proven true. But the connection to the mind and psychology, still remains to be understood, with new theories being disproven, and the chemical correlate not decisively known. But to combine quantum physics with classical mechanical views of the brain, as particles and matter can exist through reactions of quantum entanglement. Not to say that only physical happenings are undoubtedly part of quantum physics, but that the mind and consciousness both independent and in conjunction with the brain, define and exhibit quantum behavior. So if this is true, what can we say of alternate views of reality, as the many wisdom traditions throughout the course of man, espouse?

10 Apr 2021

Philosophies and Perspectives: Quantum Physics as Evidence to My Experiences, and Further Theories of the Mind

    Where could I begin, in relation and reflection to my story, with theories and perspectives I will present. To have been connected and sensing the presence of some of the great thinkers of all-time, I hear them through the light that connects all souls. To hear them in their encouragement of me to provide evidence and new theories in light of my life story, is my calling. To note the connections between quantum physics and psychology, to give explanations and evidence to my experiences, I will now attempt to do so. 

As I am inspired by several of Jung’s great contributions and work to psychology and religion, the letters exchanged between the physicist Wolfang Pauli and Jung, in Atom and Archetype, provides some of the best explanations I have read, in the relationship between psychic processes and physical happenings on an atomic level. I will source below, and briefly begin with my own theories and conclusions.

To note, there is some dispute within the scientific community, how quantum physics is used in new age spiritual beliefs. But just as quantum physics takes place in ordinary objects, even if we have not discovered some of the exact relation between quantum physics within the brain, as it continues to be debated and studied, that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist, yet still evidently related to psychology and the mind. I will now explain a bit about quantum physics in what my belief of it is in relation to psychology and the mind.   

While classical physics is the study of movement and energy at the macroscopic level, with force and momentum being one example, quantum physics arose after the theory of relativity by Einstein, to explain occurrences that classical physics could not, at a more microscopic level. It would begin to be noted by physicists and scientists how particles at a subatomic level could act in different ways.

One of the current debates and battles in quantum physics, is ardent spiritualists using the term to explain mysticism, while hardline scientists disagree with the notion that it is purely scientific. My view, and one that I hope would ease this debate, is that quantum physics can and does exist in ordinary objects, independent of the observer, but that the mind through its mental happenings and in relation to reactions produced by the mind and brain, also consist of particles on a subatomic level.

This seems to me the most reasonable explanation and valid furthering of the debate in this current dispute. I don’t think it is unreasonable to say, in that, just as we consist of the same elements of the universe as in ordinary non-sentient objects, we consist of the same particles as defined by quantum physics in many objects, but with other variables and elements which define our consciousness and sentience within them.

This explanation I give is within reason, if materialist scientists and spiritualists use the same science of quantum physics, to explain both of the things they have the focused view and study of. The goal being is for someone to further study the differences between quantum science and the mind, as opposed to objects such as computing, electricity, and others. The face that science and religion can exist with one another, in this aspect is important to note. As we all know that our brains and minds can generate energy as a physical mechanism of its own.

And in my view that, having attended conferences in consciousness, that if different people weren’t debating as much their truth in interpretation of quantum physics, that they could see the possibility that their theories aren’t mutually exclusive, then progress and greater discussion could be a result. 

As an example to explain my own experiences, the theory of quantum entanglement is used often for spiritualists to explain connections and happenings of their experiences in space. Entanglement is defined as the experience of two particles interacting with one another within space, in a non-local position, that they can interact with one another over a distance. This could hold true for any ordinary object and happenings, but just like how the ‘observer effect,’ can influence the result of a reaction, a happening in the mind such as telepathy or feelings of connected spirituality, is also the connection of energy as a distance, as a visceral reaction. The theories in quantum physics demonstrably prove experiences within spirituality, with the ‘many-minds and worlds theory,’ as a result of studies in quantum physics.   

The basic ideas relating to my mind, is that particles, which I see often within my mind, can exist non-locally,, and that these particles can experience quantum entanglement. That essentially particles or packets of energy can exist in space, and communicate with one another over a distance.

This relates to parapsychological notions of the mind being able to see and sense energy within others, and in cases of telepathy, as these different particles or packets exist within space. The explanations of this form of energy in quantum physics, leads to a ‘many worlds and many minds’ interpretation of reality. The ‘observer effect,’ which is the observer’s influence and perspective in an event taking place,’ leads to the congruence with many worlds and minds within the observer, separate from their ordinary consciousness.

Perhaps in my view as a conclusion, we could find better ways with the sophistication of neuroimaging today, to study people’s minds similar to my own, that have deep spiritual or religious visions. Or, even if they aren’t in the nature of being religious, with individuals who simply do see things within and inside their mind. Measuring microscopic particles individuals up while measuring their brain activity, as they report what goes on in their mind, could help us understand, if for lack of a better word hallucinations could have in relation to quantum particles.

If such a theory of many worlds or minds corresponds with quantum physics, to give these theories more evidence.I will now note a further theory that has not been tested, but poses a question for further research.

One interpretation I have of the observer effect, is the observer's role in seeing or studying light, and that there may be other forms of light we have not seen or experienced in another universe, in our only relative understanding of time and light. If we seek to understand commonalities in ‘hallucinations,’ that for one example exists in the vision of light seen by near-death experiencers. The sheer number of experiences individuals have had in visions of heaven and this light since we began to record them, and today studied by researchers, demonstrate its evidence of existing.

10 Apr 2021

How to Travel on a Budget.

  • Check out work and volunteer exchanges through WWOFing, Workaway, Worldpackers
  • Stay with friends or use apps like Couchsurfing
  • Buy and hitch rides, never buy overly priced tourist packages! Eurail costs more than traveling Europe on your own
  • East Asia and South America are cheaper to travel than Europe and North America, of course. Remember every country comes with pros and cons of travel
  • Hostel rooms offer less privacy but are cheaper than hotels, but there are some cheaper hotels that are better than many hostels. But if you are looking for better deals, then check out HostelWorld.
  • Do plenty of research to know what you will be exploring, check in with friends and family to see if they know people in the area.
  • Never buy any expensive packages to volunteer or work for someone, you can always do that without your payment. The world is too special for someone else to make money off your travels.
  • Check out a seasonal job through Coolworks.
  • Try to use tents and sleeping bags there can be some great parts if you're really on a budget.
  • Be cautious when going with some people, but also be open to an experience. Travel is full of chances and paths, not taking a chance might be one you regret.
3 Apr 2021

Intentions for This Website

I hope you take what you will from my story and ideas, no matter who or where you are in life. And if you are of any ethnicity or religion, as varying as they can be. And for those highly aware in their consciousness, or those just beginning their spiritual journey. And lastly, even those who may doubt what I say or question the ways I went about things, as well.

The wisdom gained in my life and travels, but also the folly, attracted manifestations of people’s curiosity. Further, the shift from the psychic realities of family life, evaporated and condensed, into the psychic thread of the collective unconscious; the connections with humanity and culture as a whole, is the story.

Thus, my intention in writing is to foster one individual's story, in his spiritual existence as a human being, in hopes that others may think about doing the same.

To acknowledge those dead, and thinkers who have influenced me over time, with their souls always still alive through their works and soul, sharing this time with me, alive.

It is the story of a young child, to his present fascination of his reality to where it is now. There is only one person in the drop of the ocean.



27 Feb 2021

Subjective and Objective Reality

Subjective reality is defined as one's personal experiences, while objective reality is based on physics that can be seen by everyone.

Often in our own experiences, not everyone can relate to the visceral experiences of the spirit within. Often defined as kundalini in Eastern religons, or God in Abrahamic religons, this energy is often part of the filling spiritual path.

However in objective reality, it is more based on science and physics, the laws that govern the universe. Subjective and Objective reality can often seem as polar opposites, but in reality they can go hand in hand.

Einstein's theory of relatively is compatible to time relative to space and in quantum mechanics. Scientists have discovered through the 'multiverse' theory, that there is much that goes on in space that isn't always objeservable to the naked eye.

Waves and electromagnetism can exist in space that isn't of a radio frequency. Particles can exist through quantum entaglement, and these theories are compatible with physical laws, through wave particle duality.

Regarding the war between sciences, and religon, they can be two sides of the same coin, however both organized religion and scientism have been displaced into unhealthy mechanisms without ethics and lacking the original intention of each