My life. My poetry, travel, and musings.

My life. My poetry, travel, and musings.

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My personal blog: Musings and Thought

24 Apr 2024

I started a new program on Monday

It is pretty good.

To distract from all the faces and voices.


Sometimes, I think it was all vanity wellness center, in my inner world.


But you know, maybe, that is where straying from the past leads us.


And the old Buddhist parable of Mara.

To living in love

Well love is like that, where you want to love.


And to calm yourself, but we love.


So this is the way, a more giving way

While having the healthy space.


And some people, just need to feel, because they dont need to be in your space.


And you can just focus on what is right

What is holy

And a holy union

With God

Is just

Yeah well

I was tired of people stepping all over me

Taking advantage of a good heart

So I can have those thoughts

But control how I act

That is all

Control how you act

And those who wronged you

And those who were able to make amends


Why don't you make amends?

Did you not prescribe the program of recovery

It is about being more honest, more rigorous, more fair.


And you can be rough

While being sensitive

There is a balance

22 Apr 2024

I think the celebs and illuminatti

Got a handful from themselves.


Family and real people, are all you can rely on.


Can't rely on them to set up a catch and case.


And what more money do the politicians and JoeBiden need. FDR.


And do you actually ever read my words or speak to me?


If ever exchanging with you meant sonething.


Maybe, yiu should just let me be at peace in my own home, for once.

20 Apr 2024

A memento

I battle the same demons everyday.

I'm grateful she thought about me and was nice enough to do that.

I admire her.

And the other one was always just plotting and scheming.

She ruined my graduate career. She played games and tricks, and lied, and has a bad heart.

Sophia Maritza Amaya. And the discriminatory professor.

They all ruined and hurt my life.

And they never apologized

Some thinkinf types dont have the self awareness to have a decent heart and morals.

And they haunt me everday.

I'm grateful for you.

Maybe there are some graduate options in july.

But I have a new certification.

And maybe I'll get the job in Taiwan. 

I'll block all of them out.

They can just work your jobs.

And have faith.

Because.

It was

wicked what was done to me.


My poems are my anguish, and you can get my poetry book at a low price, and some are free here.

Thank you for considering.

Have a good one.

As I drown.

19 Apr 2024

The whole thing is rascist and wrong

By the democrats

And by the Harris rascist agendas

As well as just wanting to be free

And move

They have you in a cage

As if Joe Biden thinks you're some animal.


Where I just wanted to be free and roam, and I didn't even do anything.


Fuck the po

Fuck their administration.


They should make America more affordable and better

And fuck Schwartz dirty old geiser.

17 Apr 2024

You know what

I dontwant people judging everything i write and also it isnt the real more or also i dont want people too be in much discord and also I wish you could just forgive me and forget about it and help me and not just cast it aside i have dissociation and i suffer and ive been hit and just want to be taken care of.


And i dont know if i should move because some people are worse they are worse and you are worse for an unbalanced environment and also the truth of the matter and what is actual.


In addition to my perspectives, on suffering, I hope I deserve better, and also need to be treated with equality and deserving of giving praise and recieving praise in return and pray for her and pray for those who help and dont let them tell you anything that you are not.


And dont let them try to sabotage you or destroy you and let them see the totality of things and not just the parts they want to prefer.

13 Apr 2024

The club

One wealth inequality and social justice system


It doesn’t pay to be ill in America. If you have any condition, and didn’t have enough work credits, you’re getting like 943 a month.


Especially if you’re on schizoaffective bipolar, like I am, it doesn’t pay a lot.


But people did pay you in other ways. Still I am left wondering behind why it would be so much more in a Scandinavian country, because they have better social welfare systems.


Unfortunately, we are so blind and easily greedy and masochistic.


And Bernie would have won had not the establishment democrats used their money and influence to buy elections and not make us a democratic socialist countries.


Mixed market socialism has proven to be the best economic system if you look at those countries and how the system is.


We should prize a government and populace that values its citizens social welfare over greed and consumption.


Unfortunately the rulers don’t want it to be that way. They want this dominating class and everyone else below it. It’s a club, and you ain’t in it.


And that is the sad state for me, what the club is, entails, and how my own early life mirrored it and also contributed to it.


And I don’t need these people doing these things to me. It should be a better and more profitable business, not just a system for the rich and powerful.


And it should be more equitable for all parties involved not just a certain few. And I wish I was born in the Scandinavian country with better class and economic systems.


Because I have an ethnic name, I am not given all the same opportunities, and because of generational curses.


So that is where it stands today, and where the class warfare is today, on our own soil.


And how could, one of the most powerful political countries, be so divided and unpeaceful, that is the question. When still so many in it are good.



11 Apr 2024

I think I have been in heaven and hell lately

After this vision

Doesnt mean how it is interpreted and I think I create these states through my actions.


I like to have sex

IT LOVES ME

i have a sexual desire.

And i believe I always was

open to all people

and beliefs

just wish I could have made it right 

my bad

God and good to see you

Miss you

I would meet you

And I thank you

and its all political maneuvering

and also the ways i have lived

i respect people and cultures

and love what you have done for me

and despite all the hell i receive

I am glad what you have done for me


although, the world got schocked in 2020.

and the good and the bad

and the truth is easy to see forgive me

let me rest

10 Apr 2024

Firstly people got less worse sentences than mine foe the same thing or not being entrapped to begin with

I can't wait till this whole nightmare is over.


You can at least understand what I have done or accomplished.


And see the truth of the matter.


That I earned my credentials.


I was caught in a bad situation.


And they were sabotaging me to begin with.


And setting me up.


And that was a whole show they have going on in your head and space.


Where in reality

If there is an invisible realm

An etheric realm.

People should be more honest and thoughtful in it.


And not hack all your files and use them.

Without the lies and the cheating.

And the truth

You always saw it

and you know the way

Problem is you attract too many along the way

And they follow every move you do

I will be smarter than them.


And parent is a narcissist.

I should have enough money to go away now.

6 Apr 2024

just want to travel and move more and smoke weed

its all a hallucination, bur was also much more vibrant and loving in the past before i wrote about all them.


and they are all gay

they were too

and i cant wait till this is done

in july

then u can do whatever i want


i got a much harsher sentence then anyone i knew

and people are good to me in my dreams last night


i love the dreaming state much more than waking state franklyz


and i got the medicines

herbal and chemical

so its a waiting game frankly

it was much more for you than others


im just ready to travel long term now and maybe get a pet but that would just be another thing that would limit me from traveling as much. so which one.


hallucination, illuminatti, and the chosen ones, the awakened ones, they have a relatiomships.


Please let me be well and at peace in my own home.


She is hot


Hopefully regards,

J

2 Apr 2024

You were just a baby ASAP

All of them, defend me, more than you.


And all your lies

I am truth

Disgusting dirty psychopath

Sell your souls for a few bucks

There's a higher order

Go to hell

Die

And go to jail

I got out

You had to stay in

Die and go live someone's elses life

If you're so obsessed with mine.


I've met, much better, amazing, people, and life than you have

You suck

All your music is trash.


Who cares.

30 Mar 2024

It was the voodoo and dark magic

However I would say, that I was a complete Buddhist in college.


My straying and ways straying from the path, led me to a chance encounter with a karmic, not a twin flame.


Twin flames aren't even valid in my opening.


It was a demonic opening and it was captured.


And it was led astray by vices and encounters with others, practicing this more subtle energetic way of sex.


But it is magic, and it is even bery different from the Christian teachings I grew up.


However I have been that way for seven years now.


And, I would reverse or remember, before I met this person, what things would like.


It creates inner worlds, but also demonic openings.


She caught me when I was most vulnerable.


Now I could have just left, but have to wait.


And have something, more Christian, here.


It clips your wings, this way of sex and magic.


Real love, lasts, is real, and it was just simply being astray in teachings, also Buddhist teachings.


So here is to a new a spiritual path and foundations, and as Freud would say, sexual sublimation.


I sexually repressed for years and could channel great energy, but that energy is exerted in different ways, the energy of form, sometimes destructive ways.


So it is, finding a balance in between, and also being more mindful of your own sexual energy.


That, and I may stay more clean,

get a job, and do what I want to do.


So here's to you, my love back home. I hope you can see the beauty, the innocence, but also, my shadow estp function as well.


And, I hope you can all wait, opportunities in a new city in the summer, if I do go.


At least the noise was cleared today, and mcs interpreted and wrote my experiences.


And it may be brighter, yet another day.

29 Mar 2024

Future plans

It's good to hear my favorite artists and people.


I guess, they were all who they were, the people that haunt you from Tucson.


But I had a great conversation with Denver.


A great sober living, a great way to get away from a broken family dynamic.


Still, waiting till probation ends in July, I don't know what to do, but I found a driver.


I would move there in July when probation ends because I have to put in two months anyways.


Better jobs, better place, better life.


If I could only limit my sexuality and nature.


I try.


I want it to work out.


Here's hope to a sober community in July.


Thanks for visiting.

26 Mar 2024

I believe there is a different reality as 4th dimension

This field, where everyone also exists simultaneuosly. Exists through meditation and subliminal states which some people are just born with the ability to access.


And it also, like being a seer, or clairvoyant, but we just call it a disorder in the dsm.

But it should not be a literal bible because it flawed to its own subjective biases and differences.


You can classify anyone into anything, what is denoted as normal is subjective and varies across cultures and individuals. So there is a more postmodern perspective.


And it also, means that these individuals, or people that may have a different genetic structure, or their genes may have been altered as a result of their environment.


So maybe, we should pay these people more, not just the 943.


But artists, turn their inner suffering, and their 'hallucinations', into a musical or creative work.


So what's the difference? The value of it changes, and many people can relate.


Many people, go through the same experiences, and reach similar conclusions that I have in my philosophies and perspectives page.


I hope you can maybe see the truth, to what I have lived, experienced, comprehended.


And I hope we write the whole narrative, the syntax, as well.


And maybe, someone wants to stary a business with me about it.


Or, you can always call.


Peace

16 Mar 2024

Well

I had and still have to write my own story for my own catharsis

There is still much more I can add.

I wrote about some classified work.

But I had to write about it.


I also still write about my life in Tucson for over a year now.

I write about what I see.

And I also ask Chatgpt and Gemini about my sixth sense.


They say some cultures it is much more spiritjal and mystical.

West culture everywhere it will be labeled schizophrenia and psychosis.

Everything has meaning.

What is one thing or given a label in one context might be labeled different in another.


I wish there was a better way than drowning myself in antispychotics.


I dont want to be mischaracterized.

Well here's to hope.

And better things ahead


-J

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